Watching the rain upon the ocean through the endless rainbow.
There is nothing more I can do this morning, even if I had the energy. I listen to the rain and wind through the partly open doors. The pit, patter of the drops on the patio tiles, once a bright orange colour, now a dark brown wet colour.
Once again, my mind wanders to last year and the week spent here, half way up the mountain overlooking the sea. ‘The view through the bedroom window is beyond words,’ she said, and it was true. Waking up to this is worth more than anything money could ever buy.
Yet one year on I am here alone. I am honestly wishing I had never come to this place now. I guess in the heat of the moment I wanted to be somewhere there had been happiness in my life. Now the memories haunt me. The visions of us on the patio or the swimming pool touching, kissing and fucking taunt me, they follow me around like a shadow on the white villa wall.
Even the swallows and their display of rhythmic flying have gone to find somewhere away from me and the drip, drip of the rain, or is that away from the drip, drip of my tears that have started again.
The thought of the swallows brought back the memory of us standing on the patio as the sun goes down, me leaning against the railings, you directly behind me pecking my neck with soft butterfly kisses whilst cupping my right breast through the white top. My nipple hard to the touch of your finger and thumb as they tease it. My eyes are transfixed by the swallows but the heat between my legs means my mind is elsewhere. Somewhere in the distant my eye catches a light go on in a room of the spooky house across on the hill. She noticed it to and gently nibbled my neck, I giggled. I close my eyes hoping that the vision evaporates as I hear the thump, thump of my heart knowing what happens next as you slide down body taking my shorts with you, leaving me naked and vulnerable. Not that I objected, certainly not when you kiss my left cheek softly before taking a bite.
I spent that week in a total state of heat from the moment when the you stroked by thigh as the plane took off until the taxi back home a week later. Just when I thought you had sucked me dry, you found another way to make me wet once again. Morning, noon and night your naughty fingers, tongue and toys had me in ecstasy as you brought me to mind bending orgasm after orgasm. How we did not get arrested I do not know. The finger fuck in the lobster bar was the most audacious. Whispering in my ear, how Gabi the waitress wanted me to crawl on my hands and knees over to her, push up her tight denim skirt, slip down her panties (if she was wearing any) and lick her juicy wet pussy. Those delicate petals of dripping flesh that needed my attention. All this whilst you slipped your hand up my skirt, pushed aside my bikini bottom and fingered me hard. The looks we got as I let out random whimpers certainly made me blush as you continued the endless commentary that I was a bar whore. I knocked over the chair as I rushed to the bathroom to clean up the mess gushing down my thighs.
Now it is all over.
I knew that something was happening, your moods that swung daily between sullen and ecstatic, but as they say you are always the last to know. Walking in the apartment that Wednesday afternoon hoping to spend some quality time with you was soon shattered. I walked in the bedroom to find you asleep spooning an unknown girl with short black hair. The clothes and underclothes sprayed across the furniture and floor, along with the new strap-on I bought you last month. The room stank of sex, so much so that it hit the back of my throat making me feel nauseous. I stood watching you, my mind numb, my feet unable to move, despite the urge to turn and run. The thought that sometime later eventually turned to rage as tears poured down my cheeks, and the urge then was to hurt you for hurting me. In the end, all I did was pour the new CK perfume you had gave me last week over the clothes, not sure if they were yours or the tart you had been fucking in the bed we saved so hard for together.
It was amazing how many of our so-called friends said they suspected that something was going on. They had seen her with a girl about town, they just assumed it was a work colleague, one even thought it was me with a new haircut. Fucking stupid bitch, she looked shocked when I poured my drink over her head. It was then as I walked away from the bar that I decided to take off and hide here.
‘Only you can bring me back to life, to breathe again, say you love me truly for ever and ever.’ The words you whispered to me that first night, as we sat with your head on my shoulder, overlooking the river. They stick in my throat as I continue to torment myself with the thoughts of our relationship. One that I thought would last for ever.
Now it is all gone and so is the rainbow.
I pull the bed clothes over my head hoping the darkness will entomb me forever.